It’s the end of one year and beginning of another. Time to rebirth into new endeavors and commitments, and tell ourselves this will be the year with some grandiose gesture.
But does this really work to change your identity?
I have seen so many posts over the years that state something along the lines of “Disappear for 6 months, practice these habits and you'll become unrecognizable.” Some bro culture folks frame this as being in a state of Monk Mode.
As someone who does listen to a few “bro” podcasts and follow some of those accounts, this certainly sounds seductive to metamorphosis oneself from larva to a fully developed adult.
“Fly butterfly fly!”
I also understand that folks use this as a trigger for them to focus their energy, quiet their minds, and find purpose. Not doubt all great stuff.
I certainly do agree that we live in a very distracted world that’s pulling our attention in every direction. Solitude has disappeared for the need of constant external stimulation. As the French philosopher and mathematician, Blaise Pascal stated many years ago,
"All humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone.”
However, I don’t believe that one needs to reinvent themselves and disappear either physically, mentally or emotionally for some period of time to establish a new life. So, that at some future date, you can walk in like that Vince McMahon meme, confident that you own the place.
All this strutting and postering to overcompensate and overthink the simple and boring solution of what you really need to do.
Which is to make a decision.
The author and entrepreneur Seth Godin states it very matter-of-factually,
“You don’t need more time, you just need to decide.”
But, this quote is scary.
Why?
Because it puts the ownership and responsibility on us, the individual, when we don’t do the thing or put it off for some future date.
Disappearing sounds easy. Making a decision sounds hard.
Now, I know that entering a mode for monks can be a decision. You are making a decision to focus on you. That’s fine. But, last I checked, as George Costanza would say, “We’re living in a society!” My point in making that reference is to say unless you are living off the grid alone, have no responsible social connections, or walking the desert for 40 days, we are part of an ecosystem of existence with other people. And, within that system, we have the opportunity to make a change to our identity all the time. It’s called making a decision.
Making a decision sucks because the reality is that it’s slow. Damn slow. Though, last I checked life is a marathon not a 100 meter sprint.
Sprinting is fast, strong, sexy and feels like beast mode. 🔥
A marathon is sluggish, tiring, boring, and feels like you are limping to the finish line. 🐢
However, one of the best things about making a decision to change your identity? You just have to make the decision once.
It may not be the best decision or the smartest decision, but it will be your decision. One that you can take ownership of, be responsible for, and ultimately adjust it for the inevitable challenges life will throw at it.
For me personally, I have taken a cue from the author James Clear and his book “Atomic Habits” for when I want to make a change or commit myself to a new endeavor. The key to building lasting habits is to focus on creating a new identity first. Sounds like I need to “disappear”! But, I don’t.
I need to look in the mirror, and understand how my current behaviors are shaping my current identity. If I don’t like it, then I need to make a decision on the type of person I want to become. I can take examples and inspiration from others, but then I need to prove it to myself with small wins.
Those small wins come from the decision to take action.
Those actions are the habits that I perform consistently. Do enough of those, and I reinforce the story of who I am, and that shapes my future behaviors. Building a habit sounds slow and boring, but the power in doing them consistently is I will create an identity that I can be proud of. When I feel that way about myself, that’s when I make meaningful and lasting change in reinventing my identity.
Again, I do this just like everyone else in life, through the unique challenges that life throws at each one of us. Not locked in a room and not in a remote part of the world. By consistently showing up and performing these small habit actions, is where the momentum lies in shaping my new identity and yours.
The scoreboard on these changes that I have made?
Well, I have failed, didn’t follow through, and hid from public ridicule. And, what I have learned is to try again to make a better and smarter decision than the last one. To stop banging my head against the wall and anxiously pace around to afraid to start. And instead, to take some small manageable action everyday to create the new identity I desire.
That comes with time, sometimes a long time.
I don’t have the luxury to disappear from commitments to family, friends, and community.
I can bet you don’t either.
Thanks for reading.
Take care.